your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Randomize
