Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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