when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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