I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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