I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
