sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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