I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
