WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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