is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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