xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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