the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
