If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
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