i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
