it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
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