Michael Bay diarrhea
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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