we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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