watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
