What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Randomize
