you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
