remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
