I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
