He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
