I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Randomize
