i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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