i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
