I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
