I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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