I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
