if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
