dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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