Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
