You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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