she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
When are your genitals available?
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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