break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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