i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
