Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
