i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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