I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
