my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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