Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
