I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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