You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Randomize
