so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
