ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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