I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
