he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
