I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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