***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
