Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
