Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I queefed so loud it echoed.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
