Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
