Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
