there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
