I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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