Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
