Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
